Yes... I know. I still have a Christmas banner up. A new one is in the works :)
I saw this bumper sticker the other day and thought it was so powerful:
Life is not about surviving the storm,
but dancing in the rain.
It really hit me. Hard. I've been going through a lot of personal struggles lately. Since January, I've been plagued with depression and anxiety. Panic attacks are no fun. :) I've gone to doctors, and just recently a counselor, and things are looking better, but it's given me some time to think about life. Granted, there are MUCH much worse things to experience in life, but this challenge has been a tough one for me.
Some things I've learned, or I should say am learning: Slow down! Life is to be enjoyed, it's not just a chore. I watched Michael inquisitively look at this slice of bread - a piece of bread! There is just so much wonder in the world that I just pass by. It sounds cheesy just writing this, but it's true. I've looked at rainclouds in such a different light. Have you every noticed that raindrops look like jewels on leaves - it's incredible! If I hadn't slowed down my rushed pace, I would never have noticed this. I'm glad that I can figure this out now, instead of fifty years from now.
Where is the pressure coming from? I felt I needed to home-educate my children, bake my own bread (not to mention homemake everything else), keep a clean home, socialize my kids/myself everyday, attend storytime, serve the neighborhood/world, etc. I was gone every single night with some activity that I had to attend. I was worried that my children were going to suffer enormously from their lack of attending preschool and my not knowing how to do the Heimlich maneuver, while second-guessing everything I'm doing. I really, truly think that what little children need most is the love and security from a mother being home with them - showing love to them. Throwing everything else out (at least for the time being) has seemed to help.
I never took any time to myself - a break, a time to develop my own talents. I thought my kids' development was more important than my own. Therefore, guilt reared its ugly head every time I even thought of slipping away for a second to read a book or just stop. A mother is a person with her own identity. My development is just as important as my children's. It is so nice to sit down and eat with my kids instead of jumping up every ten seconds for whatever it is they have demanded. :) They still get what they need (after I'm done), but I also get what I need: time to sit and time to do what makes me an individual.
I've been blessed to enjoy a wonderful life, but when trials or hard times come about, it's easy to forget this. Through these experiences, I've really come to know God. He isn't trying to punish me for not knowing how to do life in the right way :) Rather, He has helped me through all this and is showing me the way out (and let me tell you, I'm so thankful there's a way out!!). He is teaching me how to find joy in the journey and to appreciate all the wonderful things I've been blessed with. One major thing that I've learned through all this is that I have value, meaning, purpose, worth - so many things that others may not reinforce, but that God reinforces daily. When I pay attention, I recognize His hand in so many little, but so significant, ways.
So, whatever experiences you may be going through - take heart and hope :) Life isn't perfect for anyone, regardless of how it appears. So, though it may be raining (as is often the case here), go out and dance! :)
